Gym BDI's

It's springtime! And as the warm weather beckons us to strip out of our clothes, an even louder siren beckons us conceited confident peeps to get our azzes to the gym to make sure we look right when we undress.

I have been hittin the gym, and applying the advice of our resident blogstar Holiday N, with great results. And usually, aside from my first BDI recipient, stinky foreigner dude, I have a pretty decent experience at the gym. I go during my lunch time, so its not as crowded, and I can use everything I want without having to wait. I love that.

But today... everything that could possibly annoy me at the gym happened today.

I should have known it was going to be a bad day at the gym when I go there and there was a fire alarm going off. WHY are you having a fire drill at the gym? What is that about? That is corny. Boooo to the director of the Y(yes I work out at the Y, its two blocks from my job and cheap.) You are wasting my lunch work out time. He needed his azz beat for that.

Then I get in there, and annoying-ultra-vocal-amped work out dude is there. You know the dude... every gym has one... he has on a headset, and sings along LOUDLY, spitting out every third line to his 50 cent cd, with all the animation of a hype man (yes cd, not even an mp3 player... well... this IS the Y...) And grunts and screams every time he lifts a fukkin weight. And shouts his own self encouragement when he gets to the end of his set like... 'Yeah get that shyt up baby'... or 'Take That. Take That'  Who are you? Brian Pumper or Puffy?? (Brian pumper is a pornstar for those virginal readers... lol Dagg, did I just let a bone slip out? lol)

Uggghh... I wanted to just shout out SHUT THE FUKK UP!!! Why must we ALL participate in your work out.

AND on top of that... he was hogging the weights. He needed his azz beat.

Then there was annoying old chatty guy. This is the lonely old guy that has an actual story to tell you when you say, 'how are ya doing'. I DONT REALLY CARE! I am being polite. I dont want to hear about your hacking cough last week, or how your persitis is acting up, blah blah blah.... I am on lunch break... I dont have time to talk to you. SHUT THE FUKK UP! He needs his azz beat.

Then there is the annoying loitering dude. Annoying loitering dude doesnt really work out much... he just kinda hovers in the locker room, steam room or sauna... or just walking around the gym. Does he really think that no one peeps his game? He needs his azz beat for that. (Sometimes, old chatty guy can be annoying loiter dude too...)

And finally... the most annoying of all of my gym annoyances... annoying NAKED white guy. WHY do white guys feel the need to walk around the locker room butt azz naked? What is that about? They will bring their shaving kits and stand at the sink and shave, brush their teeth, blow-dry their hair and put on shirts and socks and EVERYTHING they possibly can before they put on their draws... ILK! What is that about? Why are they so proud of their miniature penises? I dont get it at all. If my shyt were small, I would put it away immediately. But these mofuggas want to talk to you and have whole conversations butt azz naked. And its usually the old saggy ones... what is that about? They didnt wear clothes back in your day? BOOOOOOOOOO to naked white guys. Put your clothes on, and THEN talk to me. They need their azzes beaten.

Ok... I needed to vent. I feel much better.

Thanks.

Comments

[Valentino]

You forgot about the gym rat that seems to know everybody there and therefore must speak to all of them and then show them how to use the machines...and...the obviously gay man with ridiculously short shorts on that must spread his legs from wall to wall in every excercise just barely showing his berries...

[prodigal sun]

Oh yeah, Know-it-all gym rat dude... forgot all about him. Haven't seen him since last thursday... Yeah he is annoying. (He is sometimes also annoying loud guy too...) walking around telling everyone that they are doing excercises wrong and how to do them 'correctly' since he clearly got his Phd in weightlifting and body movement and is the only person on earth that knows the right way to excercise... NOT!!!

[Holiday N]

I hate people without lack of gym etiquette.I used to go to NYHRC where it's supposed to be a little upscale,but people don't wipe machines down, and I swear I kept getting hit on every few minutes...I don't need a spot I need a spot remover!
I now go to a really exclusive private gym.You get what you pay for,sad but true.Sometimes you gotta splurge so that you can exactly what you want.

[No 4Real4Real]

Yo y'all are so true. You get all of that in the gym and more. What about the new woman who asks you how to work every machine. Or the annoying guy Tony who comes into the gym with his boys at 11:30 am, after you been in there since 9 am doing your thing alone, and he changes the channel to the television because he comes into the gym with him own remote control from home. He thinks he is so cool and has the corniest jokes but his boys laugh with him like a paid hypemen. He always wears the same pink shirt to work every other day and when you go in the locker room before them you want to rip that pink shirt down and burn it so you don't have to see it again. I am sure y'all have a guy in the gym just like him OR maybe it is just me???

[bruthafree]

I know this is an old post.. but gotdamn i'm glad i found it. so TRUE, so FUNNY.