Only a Black Mama

I just got the funniest email from a friend that struck a chord with me. It was a picture of a black mama punishing her delinquent child. Now, its not a child abuse type picture or anything. Check how she punished him. It was inventive, and something I think ONLY A BLACK MAMA would think to do.

He stole something, and look at what she made him do...

The sign reads, "Hi! I'm 13 yrs old. I STEAL. I want to go to prison to be with Daddy."

Click on either picture to enlarge.

This struck a chord with me because this is SOOOOOOOOO something my mama woulda done. My mom was NOTORIOUS for thinking up the most publicly humiliating punishments for me and my siblings growing up.

Like the time my mom made me and my brother put on boxing gloves and fight on our porch for hours and hours because we were always fighting... we were so exhausted and crying by the time she let us stop that we didnt fight for at least two months after that shyt... And our neighborhood laughed at us for years... lol

Also notable of these punishments was the 'Hall stand'. I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. A Jehovah's witnesses church is called the 'Kingdom Hall', which is NOTHING at all like baptist or pentacostal churches. They are very prim and proper.

At the Kingdom Hall there is:

• NO shouting, none at all.
• NO random exclamations like 'Preach on', 'Amen' etc.
• NO speak and respond things like "God is good" (all the time... lol)...
• THERE ISN'T EVEN A... *gasp* CHOIR!!!

The service is... kinda dry. Everyone just sits calmly and listens to the lecture, and when its done, everyone applauds. That's it. So... I used to fall asleep. (CAN YOU BLAME ME?)

When knocking me upside the head, and those church 'turn around pinches' didn't work... mama Prodigal got crafty on me. As soon as I would fall asleep, she would make me stand up. No matter where we were seated. In the middle of a row of seats in the center of the congregation? It didn't matter. My momz would make me stand up, and KEEP standing for the entire lecture. The ONLY person in the whole place standing (aside from the minister)... looking random as HELL.

At first, everyone was puzzled. But word of my unique punishment eventually spread through out the entire congregation, and whenever it happened, there would be a hum of snickering all around the congregation... especially when my narcoleptic azz would stumble from falling asleep standing... LOL (I was that bad... lol)

It was embarrassing as hell... but I eventually learned to stay awake at church... lol ONLY A BLACK MAMA could be so ingenious. It wasn't funny at the time... but looking back, it was funny as hell. And I came out as an ok dude. Thanks Momz (that is her on the left in the pic with my gramz). Kudos to all you black mamas out there. Keep on holding it down.

Comments

[my truth]

OMG...this is really funny. I don't know how u survive service. Oh, u were standing up. I'm still a little hazy on the jehovah witnesses, I'm unsure how the everything comes together. anyway, funny post

[mrs-tj]

Ooooo weeee! Your mom was a freaking genius. Just think if we had a table of black mama's running the country this spot would be in tip top shape.
And the whole state of Louisania would be fed with a few pounds of ground beef and a loaf of bread. The Black Woman! You have to give em thier props! Holla!

[Fresh]

LOL...Its about time you posted again. Your sleepy ass . . .

[Cane]

lol - that was funny - i needed a lil' laugh considering all the sadness that is going on

[fratman1906]

Now, see my Mom was just the opposite. She trained us from infancy on to go to sleep around 11 am everyday. That way we didn't cry and fuss during the Sunday service. Now I am 50+ and can't stay awake in church for nothin. In fact, I get sleepy around 11 am everyday at work, and I know it is that good home training kicking back in on my azz. If she had made me stand up, I would have fallen in the floor, done a holy roll, gotten props from them old sistas and brothas, and embarrass her into the next life. It would have been an academy performance becuz I can act my azz off. Shem hotep!

[fratman1906]

Now, see my Mom was just the opposite. She trained us from infancy on to go to sleep around 11 am everyday. That way we didn't cry and fuss during the Sunday service. Now I am 50+ and can't stay awake in church for nothin. In fact, I get sleepy around 11 am everyday at work, and I know it is that good home training kicking back in on my azz. If she had made me stand up, I would have fallen in the floor, done a holy roll, gotten props from them old sistas and brothas, and embarrass her into the next life. It would have been an academy performance becuz I can act my azz off. Shem hotep!

[Stone]

Well when I was younger my neighbor had a mango tree. I asked if could have one she said they were not ready yet. So me being the evil thing I was I bite every last one and left them hanging on the tree. My mother beat my ass so bad that the neighbor whose mango I bit begged her to stop beating me. LOL And she did it on the porch for everyone to see.

[sun]

That is so funny, but it worked didn't it...lol...I don't have any stories like this about my mama, but, I once made my son and daughter stand and hug for about an hour after they wouldn't quit fighting. I didn't have a probem out of them for a minute...

[Zac]

A lady tried that in the congregation I attendent as a child, but the 'attendents' weren't having it. They used to make the child stand up in the back - not in the middle of the rows.

[Bgrits]

Funny post!!!
Totally off the subject but I see where you get your good looks from because your momma and grandma are GORGEOUS!!!!

[Fresh]

Yes I agree, Prodi is gorgeous. I came back to read this post again. It is soo funny to me, lol. I try to picture you falling asleep standing, hehe.

[VARONICA]

BROTHER I FEEL YOU I GREW UP A JEHOVAHS WITNESS AND MY BROTHER USE TO GO TO SLEEP IN THE KINGDOM HALL ALLLLL THE TIME. I REMEMBER ONE NIGHT WE WENT TO TE HALL AND IT WAS 4 OF US AND MY MOTHER. WE ALL FELL ASLEEP LOOKING LIKE BUMS ON A PARK BENCH ALL LEANING ALL OVER EACH OTHER, I MEAN HEADS ON THE BACK OF THE CHAIR MOUTH OPEN, AND SNORING. I REMEMBER THE LOOK OF DISGUST ON MY MOTHERS FACE AND HER CURSING US OUT SO I KNOW WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH

[chandra]

yes!
i luv black mamas...and i love being one too.
i always like to think of ingenious ways to teach my kids life long lessons.

hey, whatever works. (smile)

Be blessed! SMOOCHES!