The Prodigal Sun

Brokeness helping me discover my inner azzhole

Being a struggling actor/entrepreneur is not easy. Unlike with a corporate job, where you may be broke til next Thursday, you could be broke all month if no work comes in. So in an effort to be more fiscally responsible, I have had to pull back on a few things that some might think of as luxuries...

Some of them are easier to give up than others... Last month, I cut off my premium channels package. Basically, I had all the pay tv channels. That was tough because I tend to watch a lot of movies, but not a lot of network tv... but I dealt with it. I discovered a new love for the Sci Fi channel and TV-1, so I am good.

This month... I gave up the hardest of all my 'luxuries'... my laundry service. ARRRRRRGGGH!!! I know of ya'll are like, 'nigga, please!' But for real... I haven't washed my own laundry in the last two years. I like dropping it off dirty and coming back to pick up nice neatly folded downy fresh clothes. My whites are super white, my colors are popping... everything is soft and smells like a summer breeze. When I do it... I often fukk something up... whites come out pink or blue... or whites are clean smelling but still dirty looking... my darks fade... shirts shrink... I am just not good at it.

But today, I actually lugged my 6 loads of laundry down 6 flights of steps to the complex laundromat. But I didn't know that the machine to put money on the card did not accept credit or debit cards, only cash. So I looked around and saw 5 triple load machines and 3 regular ones all empty. There was only one African lady in there filling her first machine. If I ran to the cornerstore atm, I could be back before anyone else came and used up all the machines.

So I run to the store and when I come back, the laundromat was empty but there were only two little machines left. I was upset, but I was even more angry because NONE of the machines were running. That African heffer took and put her clothes into all the open machines and then left to get money, detergent and a snack.

I just squeezed 3 loads into the remaining two washers but I was SOOOOO heated. She was gone for a good 15-20 minutes. My clothes could have been halfway done. When she walked in, I am sure she could feel the heat searing from my eyes. But she ignored me and finally started her machines.

As luck would have it... MY CLOTHES FINISHED FIRST... *evil sinister laugh*... First I loaded the rest of my dirty clothes in the two washers... then I took my 3 loads of wet clean clothes and filled up ALL 5 dryers... lol When her clothes finished, she walks over, sees that I have taken ALL of the dryers and looks at me, and I igged her laser beam looks, and she had to sit there watching my clothes dry for half hour just like I had to watch her clothes sitting in the washing machines.

Then... my second load of clothes in the washers finished before my clothes in the dryers... so technically, I could have made her wait another half hour by filling up all the machines again... but instead, being the bleeding heart that I can be, I decided to put all my remaining clothes in two dryers and to give her three of them... I can be trifling and petty, but I am not a total azzhole.

I figured... I got her back, it felt good... but didn't want to attract any unnecessary negative karma to myself, giving her the three dryers was a good deed and balanced my initial triflingness... lol (Well, that is what I have convinced myself of anyway.)

Not including detergents, I spent $7.50 on laundry that would have cost me nearly $40 at the service. But looking at my dingy looking whites after I did my own laundry for the first time in two years... I have to say that the minute my financial situation stabilizes, that is the first 'luxury' that comes back...

Random Thoughts...

The Janet Jackson spoofs on MTV shows are giggle-worthy... If you haven't seen them... check them here. If you don't watch the shows, its kinda corny... but if you do watch the shows... its actually kinda funny... lol

Other randomness...

Ruby Dee not winning the oscar... boo. I would write this long diatribe about earning it from all the years of work, and such... but... I didn't actually see the movie with her and Denzel. (Yes, I know its blasphemy for a young black man not to be into gangster movies, especially featuring a black man as the leader... but... oh well...) I wanted her to win badly. Other than that... I really do love that little girl who sang for that choir... Jah-something somebody... I remember her from Apollo... she is so talented.

Did ya'll watch "Raisin in the Sun"... I really dug it... everyone did such a good job. I love Phylicia Rashad (She reminds me of my mom...) I have seen "Raisin in the Sun" a few times and read it... and as long as the acting is even just decent, you can't go wrong. But... as good as the movie was... Don't you think it would have been PHENOMENAL with someone else playing Puffy's role? Like... yeah, for Puffy, he did waaaay more than I expected, but he is no Don Cheadle, who I could see acting the hell outta that role, especially with such a strong cast... Anyway, it was still good in my opinion. What did you guys think?

Ummm... did ya'll see Ne-yo's mugshot for speeding and reckless driving... ok... I said he looked like a gremlin and no one agreed. Now look at him... he is the brown twin of the grinch who stole christmas. Have we never seen Neyo without a hat? I coulda sworn I saw him with just a haircut in a video or something... either he is balding rapidly, or he has been rockin' a low fade weave... lol

In other news... I really dig Nicole Schwhatsherface from Pussycat Dolls... she went off and tried to make a solo career, and I kinda dug the leaked singles I heard, but apparently nobody else did... none of them moved. So... guess this album cover won't see the light of day as it was not only pushed back over and over, it was just shelved.  And now she has come crawling back to PCD with her tail between her legs? I guess a 6th of a check is better than NO check at all... lol

New Care Package Content - Bulletproof Vests

What the hell is wrong with kids these days? Why are kids going to schools with guns and trying to kill everyone? What happened to the good old days when people would just take a bottle of pills or slit their OWN wrists, die peacefully... and give their roommate the gift of straight A's for the semester?

I thought the point of going to college was to stay out of harm's way and avoid being shot in the streets. These days, its safer in the hood than a college classroom. Hell, if you were from the streets, being in the streets was actually pretty safe. On occasion you might be at risk of a stray bullet, but for the most part, no guns were aimed at you if you stayed out of certain crowds and respected the streets. But now, these crazy azz mofuggas are just going into classrooms with semi automatic weapons and just taking complete strangers out.

That is some fukked up selfish shyt. Now, these kids want to take everyone else out with them. Long gone are the days when these suicidal kids would just kill themselves just to make people sorry when they are gone... they are killing people to make them sorry NOW.

I mean, its sad that people want to die. But if you feel that you have to kill yourself... WHY MUST YOU TRY TO TAKE ME WITH YOU? Why we all gotta die because YOUR life sucks?!?

Fukk metal detectors... there need to be psychological evaluations to get through the doors of academia... because this stuff is CRAZY.

I am glad that I finished my graduate degrees and I am done with school. But if I were to ever decide to take a course, I would definitely stand out. Not because I am the only black person in the class... it would be because I am the only one walking around campus openly wearing a bulletproof vest. I don't trust any of them crazy azz people...

Happy February 14th

Happy Pagan holiday that makes people in relationships do what they should be doing daily, and those not in relationships feel like losers... lol

Ok... maybe I am bitter... lol I just think that Valentines day is stupid, whether I am in or outside of a relationship. If I am in a relationship, I have to spend money on stupid shyt just for that day, when really, I am not the type person that doesn't show my affection on the regular. So feeling forced to do it on this particular day is stupid to me.

Then when I am not in a relationship, people ask you incessantly what you are doing for Valentine's day and if you tell them nothing, they look at you like a puppy with a broken leg... like... oh you poor loser, you dont have anyone you can call? Not even on the day of Love?

When the fact is, there are plenty of people I can call... But that leads to my other issue. You can't call up random people to spend Valentines day with because spending this particular day with someone implies that you are digging this person in a special way. And I just dont want to send any false signals to folks I am not feeling like that.

If Christmas is the time when most the suicides occur... I wonder how Valentine's Day ranks on the suicide frequency scale... Yes, its a little humorous, but for real... the same reasons someone would kill themselves at Christmas time would be the same reasons to do it for Valentines Day... loneliness, lack of special people to share it with... all the same things that would depress someone for being alone on xmas, work for Valentines day too...

I am going to have to look into that.

Anyway, enjoy your February 14th, not because of false love hoopla, but because its the 14th day of Black History Month... and four days after the celebration of my birthday! (Yaaaye ME!)

Triflin' azz ungrateful people

Ok... I have to vent... so this is going to be a long post... let me apologize now. Ok.. with that said... here we go.

My house has come to be known as the halfway-house because I had someone living with me 8 out of my first 10 months in NY, between my old roommate in CT (3 months), and my homeboy from Chicago who moved here to try to go to grad school(5 months), neither of which paid any rent. I am not bitter about them. My old roommate has helped me in a zillion ways, and my homeboy from Chicago later did kick in some dough to help pay some of the bills he created after I cussed him out a little. I am cool as hell with them and there is no bad energy associated with them at all.

Now, after the initial drama with Chicago homeboy, I was determined to never have any long term boarders in my crib anymore... I just couldn't take the unnecessary drama. It wore me out.

So my homegirl from undergrad, with whom I have been friends for over a decade, was trying to move back up to NY from Miami. She told me her hard luck story about staying with her sister whom she doesn't get along with, sleeping on the floor, and dealing with a 2 hour commute each way to work...

Yep... you guessed it... MY STUPID BLEEDING HEART AZZ CAVES IN! And I let her stay with me thinking that it would only be for a month or so...

Two months later... (yes two months later with no rent, and not any closer to saving her money) I am planning a big bday party for my best friend at my apartment. I tell her a week in advance that we will need to put all her stuff under my bed and in closets because I will need to use my guest room, which is set up like a sitting room with a futon couch and plenty of open space, as an overflow space for the party. I know my parties, and I know that I would not be able to contain all of my party guests in my living room and dining room. While this apartment is big for one person in NY, its still only a two bedroom.

She gets an attitude and is like... 'I dont know man.' Huh? What is there not to know? It's my apartment, and I am going to need the space, so for that evening, we need to put your stuff up. So people can come chill in here. But I didnt say it like that... I told her she was welcome to stay for the party, or go somewhere, but I need the space. And she is like, what about when I want to go to bed? I am just going to kick folks out of here and go to bed. Ummm... no. No you aren't. I say when my party is over. Again... its my apartment. We don't beef, I just didnt feel like going back and forth or debating. I just repeated that the party was a week away and we need to put her stuff up, and call it a day.

During the next week, she gets sick. Like REALLY REALLY sick. She is calling in to work and everything. I am going to the store and getting her chicken soup and Theraflu, and waking her up to take that stuff every four hours. I am really looking out for her, cause she is my girl, right?

So Saturday morning, the day of the party, and she is feeling a little better but still sick. I am cleaning all of the apartment preparing for the party. She is in my guestroom knocked out, and go in to wake her up. I told her that today was the day of the party and that we need to pack up her stuff to put away, and that I arranged for her to chill at my homeboy's crib while the party was going on, BECAUSE I KNEW that she didn't bother to check to find some place to go.

All hell breaks loose. She is acting like I am throwing her out on the streets and she is sick and that I am so foul. And I am like... first of all, I am just putting her stuff out of sight so it doesnt get damaged, and I have a place for her to go which is literally two buildings over from mine. AND I told her about this shyt LAST WEEK! Why the fukk did you ignore what I told you a week ago? I TOLD YOU WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO! WHY DID YOU IGNORE IT LIKE YOU WERE GONNA DO WHAT YOU WANTED ANYWAY?

Yes, I realize and understand that you are sick, and that you don't know my homeboy and dont want to chill at his house but I am having a party for my best friend, and YOU are not him. He takes priority homey. And I am NOT cancelling his party because YOU are sick. And I am NOT cramping 200 people into those two rooms. (literally at one point there were over 200 people in my apartment...)

Finally I got tired of arguing and said, THIS IS WHY I DONT HAVE A ROOMMATE! I dont have to debate this shyt. This is my apartment, and THIS is what is going to happen in MY apartment where I PAY RENT. So she opted to call her cousin to come get her, and she packed up all her stuff and moved out that night.

Do you know that when she left, she didn't say goodbye, OR even thank you? She stayed her azz in my house TWO MONTHS and didn't speak when she left. I had to hit her up for my keys via blackberry messenger, and she sent them via mail in a thank you card that just said, 'thanks for everything' with the keys in it. And she subsequently removed me from her blackberry contacts.

Am I crazy? Cause I feel like this not only some ungrateful azz bullshyt, but kind of on the 'Fukk you nigga' tip. The crazy thing to me is that she doesn't have very many people in her life that she can count on like me. For example, at her birthday event, there were a ton of people there... the bill comes up short, and SHE and I... the two BROKEST NIGGAS THERE, have to come up with the missing dough and tip. Mind you, these other people are PAID!!! (there were a couple 7 figure niggas in attendance) and the birthday girl, and a struggling actor/web designer are putting in the extra dough. (I didn't even DRINK because I KNEW I didn't have the dough, but I couldn't let me girl go out like that cause she was my friend, right?) She can't even stay at these other mothafuggas houses overnight much less two months, but I bet they are still in her blackberry... lol If they let her crash and told her that they needed her to clear out for a night, she would have done it without thinking twice. But because I am not a celeb or have mad dough, my friendship is not that deep.

I am venting now, so clearly, it got to me... I thought we were tight. And I didn't think that this would end our friendship. But on the flip side, its all good. If she is capable of this, she is not the type of friend I need. I do have plenty of wonderful friends. I am blessed. Its unfortunate that she is no longer one of them. And even more unfortunate that she lost a friend like me, because as I experience shyt like this... I realize more and more that sincere people like me are rare.

Now that I have vented about this situation, I am officially over it. I hold no ill will towards this girl. I wish her well. But she can go kick rocks.

Oh... and from now on... anyone staying with me more than a week... IS PAYING RENT!!! (Fukk what you heard!) lol