The Prodigal Sun

Friends with the ex...

Some of my friends think I am crazy, but I am friends with all of my exes. It may take a minute sometimes, but usually, I can get to a place where we are legitimately friends. I can see them, be genuinely happy to see them, and we will talk and laugh without even one iota of a romantic notion, or any nostalgia. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I was even thinking about when I dated them.

But as with anything, there is always one exception to the rule. There is that one person who makes you lose any facade of coolness you think you may possess. Meetings are awkward, and uncomfortable. Friend-like conversation feels forced. You don't really want to ask about their life outside of family or work because you dont want to hear about any new relationships. And everytime they smile you find yourself consciously trying not to stare at their dimples or their long eyelashes (or their azz as they walk away). Ok... maybe thats just me.

I am not saying I am still in love. But I'd be lying if I said I didnt have some romantic impulses or an impure thought or two... (or five since I have given up porn... but thats another long post... lol TMI?)

I have friends who never deal with exes at all. They will see them and keep walking. And until now, I never understood it. I don't think I would ever take it to that extreme. But... now I understand it. It's not an anger thing with me, just more of an understanding of my own limitations. I dont look at this ex like I look at my friends. I never have romantic feelings when I hang out with my friends. And romantic feelings that you cant do anything about arent a good look.

My ex moved outta state, so the random meetings dont happen often. (Yaaaye for me!) But we kinda run in the same cirlces, so when the ex is in town, running into each other is likely. I wonder if we will ever be just cool friends like I am with the rest.

What do you guys think about being friends with exes? Are you friends with your exes? Why or why not?

Dating question...

I was recently faced with a situation and felt a little weird about it. Let me give you guys a scenario and ask you what you think.

Say you met someone new, and decided to kick it romantically. You talk a bunch on the phone, and you seem to click. On the first 'date' you find out that they are casually dating someone else at the same time, and... to complicate matters, you know the other person they are dating. You aren't best friends or anything, but you run in the same circles and are very cool. So...

Do you A) stop kickin it with this person because its weird and awkward?

Or do you B) keep kickin it with this person to have whatever fun you can with them until they either get serious with the other person, or you?

I am kinda old-fashioned in that I like to get to know one love interest at a time... so its a bit weird for me. So part of me wants to just call it a wrap and chalk one up to the game. But... I haven't completely opted to end it because the other part of me just wants to have fun and let it flow. Sometimes I think that I overthink things when they really dont have to be that deep.

So I am kinda riding the fence on this one... what do you guys think? What would you do? 

X encounter...

My ex and I have been apart for a couple months now. I have gone through a few phases... I went from 'fukk it - I am better off', to 'kinda nostalgic'... to 'it is what it is - so just deal with it nigga.' I wish I was the type of cat that could just turn emotion off, but I am not that negro.

Don't get me wrong, I am not sitting alone in a dark corner anywhere listening to suicidal Toni Braxton 'Unbreak my heart' type songs. Life goes on. But, I am not really pressed to date despite various viable opportunities to do so lately. I think after being so emotionally drained, I need to refill before I get myself involved in something else.

So last weekend, I go out with my brother to a club that was so crowded that we couldn't get in. But since I knew the girl at the door, she let me pop in real quick to check it out before we all bounced out to the next spot. I get in, and kinda randomly peruse the place just checking it out. I get upstairs, and stand at the top of the steps for a few minutes just scanning the room not really focusing on any faces in particular, until I scan past a familiar face staring back at me. I glance back, and it was my ex looking directly back at me.

A million thoughts ran through my head, and were probably transparent on my face. What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting to see you... How does this work? Do I go over and say whats up? Do I act casually? Do I act as if I dont see you and bounce? It took me a minute to realize that I was standing there frozen and looking stupid... so I HAD to go say something.

I walked over. We hugged warmly for a few minutes, made small talk for a few minutes, then kinda stood side by side facing forward... looking out at a sea of dancing gyrating bodies moving in time with the reggae music. It was only for maybe 5 or 10 minutes, but it seemed like an eternity. Not just the time, but the distance between us, despite standing literally a foot apart. The longer we stood there ignoring each other, the more awkward it became, so I just gave a parting hug, and left onto the next venue as planned. Aside from the initial hesitance, I managed to maintain my cool.

I dont think I want to get back together, but I dont think that I am over it yet either. I think that prior to that night, if an effort was made to rekindle the relationship, I would have been open to it. But after that night, it was painfully clear that it was indeed over. And while it was an awkward experience, it was a necessary one.

I am gonna just take some time to hang out and just do me for a while. In the past 5 years, I have been in 4 relationships, each just about a year long, some shorter some longer (not including the off-and-on relationship that pretty much filled the gaps for 5 years...) I dont think that is healthy. So taking time out to focus on me is definitely a good thing to try to break this cycle of serial monogamy.

The one thing that kinda salvaged the unexpected encounter was that I was AT LEAST looking good that night... lol HOW MUCH MORE MISERABLE would that have been had I showed up looking all disheveled and sloppy?!?!? lol Leave it to my vanity to find the one salvageable element in all of this. I have a rule about always looking good when I run into my ex's. May seem silly, but I never want to look like my life fell apart after a break up, no matter how difficult a break up is. So... mission accomplished. This year has been about change, and growth. This experience was definitely one to grow on.

Find Your Own Potential

Hey ya'll... Sorry 'bout neglecting my blog duties, but they are actually making my black azz earn my money this week. (RAT BASTARDS!!!) Besides, I haven't needed to vent because the X is coming up to spend the weekend, and I plan to have lots and lots of sex and end this whole no-sex cleansing fast shyt that I have been on. The very prospect of a weekend full of sex has a brotha at peace.

But just when I am accepting the fact that the X may become current again, I interact with someone with REALLY great potential. Why is it that people start showing up tryin' to get at you when you are in relationships? What is that about? I could be single for 22 years, but the minute I get involved, there are crowds bangin down my door...

The potential is a harvard med school grad, practicing medicine in Bean town. (much closer than my North Carolina commute to the X) In addition to this, the potential is very attractive (hot like FIRE), well-established(swimming in dough), sane (I hate a crazy biotch), with a great sense of humor (had me crackin up) and BANGIN body (needs no further explanation)...

I met the potential through some of my friends that are tryin to hook us up (my friends hate the X). I dont usually do hook ups because I hate having my friends all in my bidness. You know... hitting them up to see how our date was, how the sex was, how big my dick is... boooooooooooo. I hate all that. So usually as a rule, I never date friends of my friends. But if I were single, I woulda made an exception this time. The potential is THAT fly.

I can't help but wonder if the potential had surfaced two months ago, would I have even reconnected with the X. We decided that it was a wrap, yet... here we are. It remains to be seen how this plays out.

Since I am kinda taken, my boys are like, 'hook me up with the potential'... and I am like hell to the nah. This weekend will probably be alot of fun. But... if its not... that shyt is a grrrrreat plan B. Is that shady? Oh well... fukk it. So what if it is? I ain't sharing shyt. What if I passed that on, and then broke up with the X in a month... FUKK THAT!

Find your own potential mothafukkas! lol

What happens in Puerto Rico...

What’s up peeps…  I am back from my vacation in Puerto Rico, well rested, tanned, and all partied-out. As I should be…

I know that when it comes to vacations, peeps say that what happens in (fill in the blank) stays there, but surprisingly, I really don't have any wild raunchy stories to tell. I got some sun, I hung out, I partied, I drank… but on the real, I wasn’t really feeling random encounters.

Not that I didn’t have ample opportunities, cause you know a brotha was lookin’ right and holding it down, most def. Not to brag, but I had more than a few admirers, but I am bored with random sexual encounters.

A couple weeks ago, I went to Philly. I did my normal party thing, hung out with my peeps out there (who are especially fun and crazy) so I ran with that. I ended up getting my peter sucked in a bathroom one night, and then hooked up with someone else the following night for another round of safe festivities. I can’t front and say that I didn’t have fun. Naked activities are always pleasurable… but really, I just wasn’t into the randomness of it all.

After all the high-fives and accolades from my boys, truth be told, I felt kinda dirty. I know this will probably sound like bullshyt, but… I am not usually that type of guy. (no, really… lol) I am more of a serial monogamist. Aside from some random activity between relationships, I am a good boy. But after breaking up with my ex in January, a break that I kinda wasn’t feeling, but for various reasons we thought was the best move for both of us… I am kinda in a relationship funk.

I figured the wild escapade in Philly would be just what the doctor ordered to get me back in the swing of things, but it didnt quite do it...

Then with my trip to Puerto Rico, I flirted, I spit game... but really, I just wasn’t receptive to any advances. Being real, I could have had someone in my bed every night I was there if I wanted that. And at times, I really considered it (especially after the liquor started to flow…) but I just don’t think that is what I am looking for anymore.

I am looking for good hugs and lingering kisses. I want conversations that you don’t want to end even after you have been up all night talking. I want to have to re-watch movies the day after blockbuster nights hugged up on my couch because we started making love half way through and missed the whole thing. I want to look at someone and see myself on a porch in a rocking chair chilling with them, and our grandkids fifty years from now.

That is what I want. And I didn't really feel any vibe or connection like that with anyone I met in PR. So... I didn't take it there... no sex.

I am not saying that I am desperately ‘wookin pa nub’ or anything like that. I am not thirsty like that. I am just saying that I dont think the random will do anymore. If I dont feel a real connection, its not worth pursuing at all... so no nookie...

I think that is what I want for a while...

But… ummm… Check back with me after a few more months of no sex… I am not really sure how this no sex thing will work out... ;-)