A friend of mine is staying with her family, but having drama with them and hates going home. So she is asking to stay in my guestroom til she gets her own place... I love her to death. She is a great friend who has done so much for me... but... she is not being kicked out, so she is not homeless. And I know her financial situation is fukked up, so I know she is not ready to move into an apartment anytime soon. And most of all... I am sick and gott dayum tired of my friends thinking I am a mothafukkin halfway house just because I am a single guy and have a two bedroom apartment.
Since I have lived in New York (two years), I have had FOUR people live with me for an average of 3 months each. You do the math. That is a YEAR of people living in my house and not paying rent.
Each time (except for one) , things ended badly. And the last one, whom I now call the Rock Kicker, stormed out without so much as a goodbye or thanks... and we haven't spoken since. I even blogged about it... (Triflin' Azz Ungrateful People)
As I blogged before... I am worn out. But this friend has really been there for me through out my struggles here in NY. So I feel really bad about just saying no. But, while her moving here would help her maintain her sanity, it would totally disrupt mine. I LIKE having my own space. I LIKE having solitude and peace & quiet. I LIKE watching what I want to watch when I want to watch it on MY tv. I like blasting my music when I feel like it. I am a grown azz man who likes living on his own. Its not anything about her or my friendship with her... I just don't want ANYONE living in my crib that I am not related to or fukking, and really... not even then if marriage is not involved.
So... despite our friendship, and my love for her as my friend... I have to find a way to say no. I really hope that we can still maintain our friendship. And if not... well... at least this is way more efficient. It won't take three months of someone getting on my dayum nerves, eating my food, running up my utilities without chipping in...
Ultimately, she is not homeless, and her discomfort is not worth all the drama I would have to endure of someone disrupting my personal space... AGAIN. I just can't do it. I am finally learning to say... no.
I hear you. I just moved back into my own space -- no sharing it with anyone! Call me selfish but I grew up with my own room and not having to share. Best situation, tell her exactly what you wrote here. Tell her that you sympathize with her situation and you will support her in any way -- except putting her up. Even if she was paying rent you would have have the same answer. Explain to her (if she doesn't know) that you have had a revolving door to your apt. and you've decided to not let anyone else stay there. Tell her you're sorry that it starts with her, but you have to be true to yourself. That's my advice. Honesty prevents so many misunderstandings. It took me a long time to realize that. I just had an ex call me trying to stay in while he was in town. Sorry, buddy. The Inn is closed for business.
Posted by: buttabean | September 10, 2008 at 11:17 PM
Just send her the link to this blog. That says it all.
Posted by: Bernie | September 10, 2008 at 11:53 PM
I so feel you on this entry. I have a few friends living with me because they didn't have a place of their own and naturally it always end badly...so I have learned to say NO years ago...
Posted by: thegayte_keeper | September 12, 2008 at 02:03 PM
It's cool - you can say no. I remember the last time when ol' girl took you off her blackberry messenger - hilarious! Yup, stand ya ground!
Posted by: Darius T. Williams | September 12, 2008 at 04:16 PM
ii ThiNk.. [[iiF y00h JUSt d0Nt WANt t0 TEll hER y0URSElf]], tHAt y00h Sh0Uld JUSt hAVE S0ME0NE SENd HER ThAT THiNq y00h WR0TEE.. iTS N0T PUTTiNq HER d0WN iiN ANy WAy &`Ndd ShE Sh0Uld UNdERSTANd
Posted by: Ashlee | September 29, 2008 at 12:40 AM